Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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