Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
