i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
