I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
