Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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