Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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