WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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