i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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