Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I will pee on everything he values.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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