I forgot how hot balto sounded
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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