Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize