I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
