Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
