I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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