i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
