And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
