when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
