i barfeds in our rink
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
