you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
