he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
