Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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