If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
whose parrot is this?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
