does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
