I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
