I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
