New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
