$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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