the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
