Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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