If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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