he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
