but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
