i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
