if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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