look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize