i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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