Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
