I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
