after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
