In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
