it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
