Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
