i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
