Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
