Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize