My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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