I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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