I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
