We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
