Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
