she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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