booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
