I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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