I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
