Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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