Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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