we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
