it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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