I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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