Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
