Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
