I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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