Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
