So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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