I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize