Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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